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M is for Metamorphosis

M is for Metamorphosis

In the movie “About Time” the main character, Tim, inherits from his father the ability to time travel. When his dad tells him about his gift and asks what he would like to with it, number one on Tim’s list is to find a girlfriend. He finds the quirky Mary (played by Rachel McAdams) to become his girlfriend, then wife and mother of his child. His sister in the film is a unique soul who always dates the wrong kind of guy. It gets her into a bit of trouble. Tim wants to travel back in time to help her make better choices. When he does this and comes back to the present moment, he realizes it has changed everything in his life as well—and not always for the better.

Interesting concept: events in our lives are connected with events in other people’s lives.

I'm in the Chesapeake Bay Area in Maryland right now, lying on a small patch of sand by the water, wondering if I should write about the childlike adventure I had the day before.

A group of us rented a house on the bay for my boyfriend’s birthday weekend. It had huge windows all along the back of the house and quirkily interesting decor. Each one of us took a turn talking about it, even the kids who were there. Hanging in the dining room was a wall-sized religious painting. Primary colors of a red grim reaper to the left, a baby Jesus with a tutu on in the center of a cross, a green man with pointy ears, and at the bottom a soul turning into a bird leaving a body.

What the painting said to me is that there are three options when you leave this world: You end up with the grim reaper, turn into a gargoyle, or your soul becomes a bird. Mystical, very. In case you missed the sarcasm, please insert now.

Back to my adventure. I've been in a particularly sour mood for days. One of the reasons is that I'm homesick. I always get homesick no matter how long I'm gone. It was a gloomy day and the rain just wouldn't stop, a little damper on our celebratory weekend. I was talking to a friend in the kitchen about the rain, both of us saying how calm, introverted, and serene it made us feel. I asked if his kids, who had joined us for the weekend, liked to play in the rain. Of course they did, they are kids! Let me just say first I was really happy when I heard the kids were coming. That meant I was safe from adults getting too crazy. Having kids around makes me feel comfortable. But now I was aware of the kids being stuck inside with the rain. I remember after my parents’ divorce visiting my dad in New York, and his having no idea what do to with us. So we naturally would always go to the Chinese buffet and be bored out of our minds as he got his money's worth of crab legs! We still laugh about that.

I marched my butt upstairs and whispered to the girls, asking if they wanted to go play in the rain. They only half smiled at first but once we were outside their faces lit up. I was surprised when my boyfriend and the kids’ father walked outside with us. It made me so happy to witness such a great, involved father. We splashed through puddles and were drenched in just a couple minutes. On our path to the beach there was a tree with a star carved into it. As I got closer I realized there was a feather right at the base of the tree. Yes, I picked it up, and held on to it the whole time. This was just the start of our magical journey in the rain.

My jeans were having trouble staying up, as they were wet and heavy. Splashing in the ocean and walking on the hard sand I began to find feather after feather. Large ones. Black, brown, white-and-brown-striped, grey, and a white one. They felt like gifts. Our friend showed us how to balance rocks. I'd never heard of such a thing, so mind was blown. Google that if you've never seen it. People balance rock upon rock on very small points, sometimes even high up in the mountains.

After we returned to the rental house we showered and got warm. Something caught my eye outside. I walked out, and it was a huge flying eagle. A freaking bald eagle. I called everyone out to see this bird. I had never seen one in real life. Just about that time, a vibrant rainbow showed through the trees. My grandmother taught my mother and my mother taught me a saying about rainbows, a life metaphor really: “It takes both rain and shine to make a rainbow." Every time I see a rainbow I think of her and know it's her telling me everything is okay.

In a nutshell I played in the rain by the ocean, found several super cool feathers, collected shells, saw a rock defy gravity, witnessed seeing an actual bald eagle (which apparently isn't that cool to the people I've told this story to) and, again, a rainbow! I can't make this shit up. I need to live by the water and around nature.

As I lie on the beach the warmth of the sun feels so good on my skin. It begins to thaw out my ice queen attitude I've had all week. That's an aspect of myself that I would like to change. The "Ice Queen Syndrome" is a very special kind of defense mechanism. Others might refer to it as putting up walls. I call myself the ice queen. I become harsh, cold, and demeaning—a special formula for a super bitch. It happens whenever my feelings get hurt or whenever I experience a certain level of unconscious fear.

The last day we had a sunny sky! After a few hours at the beach everyone except for Craig and me had headed back to the house. We hung back for a bit. I wrote in my journal while he napped. We decided it was time to pack up and say goodbye to the ocean for now. As I stood up a butterfly swirled around me. It was white and black stripes with a red dot in the center. It landed on the wet sand. Of course I got my phone out and took a picture. Then I wondered if I got close to it, would it climb on my finger. I put my hand on the sand and slowed my breath. Very conscientiously I moved my hand till I was touching the butterfly. It didn't even move. As slowly as possible I inched my finger under its tiny legs. She finally climbed on my index finger. I couldn't believe it. I felt giddy as if it were a miracle.

Butterflies have a spiritual meaning of transformation. Think of what a caterpillar has to go through to become something totally different, a beautiful flying creature. We are all alchemists by our true nature, and I have the ability to transform from an ice queen to a butterfly whisperer. No big deal.

Since the big mediumship event I've felt a little blocked, as if my creative flow isn't tat its full potential. I took time to rest and not do so much. All it did was make feel like I have no direction. A friend of mine brought things back into perspective for me. She said it doesn't matter what we do as long as we do it passionately. That resonates with me. I'm not sure which direction I'm being guided to take at the moment, but I know I'll do it with great passion. I've preached for years that it doesn't matter how much money you make as long as you do something you love. Another friend of mine just told me she is quitting her job and completely changing careers. Like a fearless lion, she is starting from the bottom with the intention that she will succeed.

I bought Julia Cameron's book “The Artist’s Way.” It's about discovery or rediscovery of your creative self. Whether you think you're creative or not, the book gives you week-by-week steps to follow. The process allows us to tap into ideas and passion buried deep in our hearts. It’s for writers, poets, painters, or any creative avenue you can think of. I'm very excited to start this journey. Go buy the book and do it with me! I'll be writing about my experience and what it brings up for me. I imagine it will take effort, sweat, and tears, because most things do.

As Tim discovered in “About Time,” it doesn't matter what has happened in your past. The good the bad the ugly—everything in your life has led you to this moment. This very moment where you realize anything is possible and is within your reach. I know I'm a creator. I'm ready. I can feel it.

"We can go further together than we can ever go alone."

-Baron Baptiste

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