Do You Hate Your (Fill In The Blank)?
It’s much deeper than that sister. Let me tell you about my experience with self hatred, weight, and body issues.
I used to never struggle with weight issues and never cared about what I put into my body. Until it started, my underlining issue of feeling undeserving. I never connected my weight with feeling undeserving before until recently.
During this huge transformation that I’m in I’ve learned many lessons. Everyday a new layer of the onion gets peeled back. Lessons on friendship, true friendship. The friends that have your back no matter what and those who use you for what they want. The second your wishes don't coincide with their vision they stop calling and drop you like a bad habit. Timing and not forcing things to happen. Grief and how crazy it can make you feel, accepting the good bad and the ugly. My perfectionism being knocked down as a huge accomplishment. Allowing myself to make mistakes and giving myself a second chance to do it over again. Realizing my weight is tied into feeling vulnerable and pushing people away. Shocker!
Timing and how that comes into play. Sometimes our dreams take longer than we want. It’s because all the moving pieces haven't stopped yet. So relax already. Prior to me going to DC I asked a fellow hairdresser friend if she wanted to take over my clientele and work in my salon. It had been a dream of hers since before she had gone to hair school. I had been her hairdresser for many years before she got onto the business. She took some time to think about it and ultimately said no thank you. I thought she was crazy but I had no issue with it. Little did I know that she was moving things around for my next pathway. You see, when I asked her to leave her current salon and come to my salon and take over my clientele, she confided in her boss with the situation. Her boss then asked, “What do they have that I don't have?” The answer was Aveda product line. Soon after that conversation the owner brought in Aveda products.
So by the time I started researching salons to work in, the foundation was put into place. I am trained and educated in Aveda hair color and would never use another color line. My mind was blown away when I heard this story a few days ago. Timing…
I have been in Louisville a couple weeks and it has welcomed me back with open arms. I’ve been able to ground myself and see clearly. Apologize for actions that were hurtful and be compassionate with myself. A lot has come up with why I am the way I am. I am relearning myself. Awakening to change, more change, and more change.
I took time to understand my grief. I am a medium and its hard sometimes, even for me to understand death. Grief can take control and you as a person disappear. Everyday I searched for my happy and I couldn't find it. All it did was make me angry. I understand that my reactions were normal now. I’m learning to be okay with that.
I am taking this opportunity to look at things I’ve wanted to change my life. They all go under these three categories. Health, love, and wealth. I realize the saying is health, wealth, and love, but my focus is in a different order.
In my next few blogs I will be focusing on specific areas of life and how I am personally transforming them. What ever word you filled in above, I bet it falls under health, love, or wealth.
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