The ghost of Christmas Past
I started receiving messages about my weeks to come. Believe it or not I was feeling like the ghost of Christmas past was coming for me. I could feel it and that means one thing. Deep healing from things that I didn't know are hurting me. I had an unusual adolescence filled with colorful decisions. I fully accept my experiences and I am grateful for the way I turned things around. But I feel this is deeper. This has to do with relationships and self love.
I have searched for love and approval in all different places. I have looked for love since I was in the second grade and had a crush on a boy named Kyle Durrett. I posted a note on the class room board saying, “Kyle I love you.” My life has surrounded this subject of love since before I can remember.
I have dated all walks of life, nationalities, and genders. I have done my fair share of research so do speak. Each relationship and situation I developed an understanding of what the lesson entailed as well as trying not to make the same mistake over again.
But what happens when you make the same mistake time and time again? I see this everyday in my work. Women go through the same mistakes and don't learn from them. Why do some women experience happy amazing relationships and others experience the turmoil and unfulfilled relationships? Answer is simple, self love.
On Christmas Eve, the ghost of Christmas past did visit me. He was in the form of my first Salon boss. I was in a yoga class that morning when my old boss walked in. The class had already started or I would've walked up to him. It all came around full circle in that moment.
About 11 years ago I worked in my first Salon. I was introduced to yoga that year. My shoulders were really bothering me and my boss said to try yoga. We had a great deal going, where we would do the yoga instructors hair and we would get free yoga in return. That was the beginning of a beautiful life filled with yoga for me.
I left that salon after a long year and half. Every day I would cry before I went in. I was actually pulled in the break room by one of the owners and was told to not smile so much. I was told that I was a prima donna and being too nice to the clients, that I needed to focus on more quantity. Hence the crying every day before work.
I left for a vacation one May, and traveled to Jamaica. The native people have nothing there. If they can be so genuinely happy then I can definitely leave my job, I thought. So I did. Upon me quitting, my former boss called me and said that he would give me another chance and to come back. He said that I was making a huge mistake and would never make more money than what I did there. My clients would call and ask for me and they told them I moved to Europe and quit doing hair. That was a hilarious lie.
All of these things came rushing back from my memories when I saw him. But I only felt gratitude. Without him introducing me to yoga my whole life would be different. He helped me change my life. I stabilized my depression that I battled from a young age and healed my body. That was a rough time in my life but I made it through. Thank you for playing that role for me. I honor you. I have over come all of those lessons. I believe in myself. I now make about four times the amount of money I made there and so happy I took that risk. He was wrong about me!
It was a glimpse of my past to show me everything always works out. If something doesn't feel right, it’s for a reason. The reason is change. Change what doesn't feel right. Be brave, be strong, and trust.