Laying on my yoga mat last night I realized I have a trigger word. Have you heard of this trigger word reference? It all came too clear. I was practicing yoga last night when my teacher starting talking about cleaning and detoxing. She was speaking to the liver and detoxing organs which is something that happens naturally through each posture in class. Then the trigger word rang through my ears. Kidney…
I instantly became emotional and couldn't hold back my tears. I dropped to child pose to calm my breathing. Then I heard the word again and again. The practice detoxes your kidneys and liver she said. The yoga is so good for and all that you need. The word kidneys still ringing in my ears. I tried to hold back my tears and keep my composure. I felt lost in my grief.
Every time I hear the word kidney, I think of my Aunt Cathy that past in April. I haven't been quite the same since. She had an auto immune disease that effected her organs and had to have a kidney transplant. I was tested early on to see if I was a match for the transplant. Unfortunately I wasn’t. She ultimately passed away of complications of a new medication she was on. I witnessed the whole thing.
Kidneys are a trigger word for me that brings me back to that hospital room watching them do compressions on my Aunt. Anxiously waiting to see if the bag of blood would make up in the one minute forty-five second window we had to save her life. Only I knew her soul had already left her body. I had felt it on the way to the hospital. I stood there paralyzed watching every step the doctors did to her.
So I realized last night that I’m healing my grief. Healing my trigger word that brings me back to the most life changing moments I have experienced.
How will I transform these feeling? With gentle kindness and ease. Each time I hear my trigger I will retrain my brain to associate something else. A happy memory or create a new memory associated with that word. Remembering a story she used to tell me or our favorite much spot. Honoring my Aunt and her struggle and allowing myself to let go.
You can do this with any struggle in your life. It is called mastering your mind. You have the power to change the way your brain thinks and feels. You have control my friend. Pave the way for change and think positively. It doesn't matter if its grief, depression, weight, or money. Change the way you think and change your life.