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Good Grief

 

GOOD GRIEF 

 

This is a story about a Medium and her family.   This sentence stayed on my computer for a few days before I decided that I could write this piece. We will see what flows out of me, because I need it to flow. 

 

My mother and Aunt came over to help me mulch my yard on a Sunday afternoon. My mother Carla and I opened bags of mulch and carried heavy rocks from my back yard to my front yard. Aunt Cathy stayed inside because it was a little cool this particular Sunday. I gave her magazines and she flipped through pages and watched us through the window. She was diagnosed with an auto immune disease called Scleroderma and had a kidney transplant a couple years ago. Inside relaxing was just the spot for her. 

 

After we finished the yard my Aunt wanted to try on a few dresses to see if she could borrow one for my mother’s engagement party the following week. Cathy was talking about her Opal jewelry she was going to wear to the party. The next second I heard a voice from within say, “That is going to be in her will.” 

 

In mediumship it is sometimes hard to tell what is a future prediction and what is a fear based thought. I had experienced a similar thought when I first started about my mother being sick and I was totally wrong. It was my grandmother communicating with me and the message had nothing to do with my mother being sick. So I didn't think anything about it. 

 

Two days later I started a 21 day purification process. A wonderful vegan chef was dropping off prepped food and supplements for the program. For some reason I had a strange feeling about the supplements. I asked her if these would hurt my kidneys. She laughed and said no. Of course I thought of my aunt and her kidney problems in that moment. But why? I was tuning into my Aunt’s health and channeling information about her without being fully conscious about it. 

 

The next night my Aunt Cathy was taken to the emergency room because she was not well. She had started a new medication coincidentally a couple days prior. The doctors thought she was having a reaction to the medication. She was in the hospital for hours before they realized she was having a heart attack. They immediately decided she needed to go to a different hospital, only that took hours as well. Nothing was done with urgency.

 

My mother stopped by the salon after she took a break from the hospital to tend to her dogs. I told her I had an awful feeling about my Aunt. I just couldn't shake this feeling. 

 

I finished work around 8pm, let my dog out, and headed downtown to the hospital. I phoned my mother to tell her I was on my way. She sounded fearful and tired. I was in a fog, waiting at a red light, when an ambulance with it’s sirens blaring came rushing by. I felt it in that moment. I knew my Aunt had passed into the spirit world. I felt it yet I was calm. 

 

I rushed to park and quickly tried to find the building and the 4th floor of the CCU. Can you believe every elevator I got on didn't have a number 4 button. Literally didn't have a freaking button with 4 on it, it jumped from 3 to 5. I was in the wrong building! Then I heard code blue 4th floor CCU. I knew it was her. 

 

I finally made it to the right location. I practically ran into the nurses station upon my arrival. I said I was looking for my Mother, Cathy. 

 

How do I explain this? My Aunt Cathy had a kidney transplant a couple years ago and proclaimed I was her daughter in the hospital so I could take care of her when my cousins weren't able to. I did get tested to see if my kidney was a match for her. Unfortunately I wasn't match. Since that day I have felt a strangely close unspoken bond. 

 

I was stood at the nurses station asking for my mother when I turned around and saw the team of doctors and nurses trying to save my Aunt’s life. I’ve never seen someone “code” before. It’s not like how they do it in the movies. It’s violent. All I want to do is spill every detail of this part of the experience because it hurts holding it in. Yet some things are too sacred and too soon to share. 

 

I had been right in the car when I felt my Aunt’s soul leave her body. I felt her presence right next to me while I watched the doctors and nurses work to get a pulse. They did get her pulse back for a short time. It made me so confused when this happened actually. I felt her presence, yet they got her pulse back. I didn't understand.  In that time I spoke to my Aunt and told her I would help her. I told her it was okay to let go. I was strong. Then I went and got my family from the waiting room. 

 

I can’t explain what I did in that room for those never ending 15 minutes. I know I helped my Aunt. I know I didn't want her to be alone. This is my first experience losing someone so close to me. I saw her soul leave the physical body, stand by me for a while, and then go to the spirit world. Surprisingly I didn't understand what grief was like until now.

 

Shock. Shock is the first stage of grief. 

 

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